Oratorical Animal

Goin Pro

So, Knowshon Moreno and Matthew Stafford have decided to enter the NFL draft. Good for them, I suppose. They seem like nice people, they haven't been arrested lately (I'd put the over/under on Georgia football offseason arrests at 6), and they've contributed nicely to the university. For the record, I suspect Moreno will be an excellent third down back with occasional flashes of brilliance otherwise (think Darren Sproules). Stafford will do very well if he's drafted by a team that will nurture him and make him sit for a year or two. If he's drafted by, say, the Lions, he'll turn into David Carr--a strong armed quarterback thrown to the wolves too early. Carr now backs up Eli Manning and, at best, he'll be the Giants' version of Jim Sorgi, the long time backup to Peyton Manning. At worst, he'll soon be asking if you want fries with that order. That's Stafford's future. He better pray he slides in the draft.

Interestingly, no one seems all that upset at Athens, particularly about Stafford. He just didn't win championships. I suspect, however, that it was not his fault. UGA's Capitol One Bowl performance, while a victory, revealed all of the same things I've written about before. Nearly every one of them, in fact. Bad clock management. Dumb turnovers. Costly penalties. Michigan State, being a Big 10 team, was not going to beat UGA. But the Dawgs kept them in the game.

So, given my earlier theory, I suspect they'll be better next year than they were this year. Not because, as one columnist wrote, of a new "fiery" quarterback. Mostly because their injuries just can't be as bad next year as they were this year. But also because they'll have a more experienced kicker. The Bulldogs are dumb enough and bad enough in the red zone that the kicker matters more than any other player, given the consistent talent they recruit. So, they'll be better because their kicker will be better--more experienced. They'll convert more field goals in the red zone. Better kicker, better Bulldogs. Unless Mark Richt finally wakes up, instills discipline, and makes people accountable. But after a decade, that seem unlikely. 

Cold Solace for Texas Fans

BCS DECLARES GERMANY WINNER OF WORLD WAR II

(This has been circulating virally and without attribution.)

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II.

“Germany put together an incredible number of victories beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland and continuing on into conference play with defeats of Poland, France, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and the Netherlands. Their only losses came against the US and Russia; however considering their entire body of work—including an incredibly tough Strength of Schedule—our computers deemed them worthy of the #1 ranking.”

Questioned about the #4 ranking of the United States the BCS commissioner stated “The US only had two major victories— Japan and Germany . The computer models, unlike humans, aren’t influenced by head-to-head contests—they consider each contest to be only a single, equally-weighted event.”

German Chancellor Adolph Hiter said “Yes, we lost to the US ; but we defeated #2 ranked France in only 6 weeks.” Herr Hitler has been criticized for seeking dramatic victories to earn ‘style points’ to enhance Germany ’s rankings. Hitler protested “Our contest with Poland was in doubt until the final day and the conditions in Norway were incredibly challenging and demanded the application of additional forces.”

The French ranking has also come under scrutiny. The BCS commented ” France had a single loss against Germany and following a preseason #1 ranking they only fell to #2.”

Japan was ranked #3 with victories including Manchuria, Borneo and the Philippines.

(This has been circulating virally and without attribution.)

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II.

“Germany put together an incredible number of victories beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland and continuing on into conference play with defeats of Poland, France, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and the Netherlands. Their only losses came against the US and Russia; however considering their entire body of work—including an incredibly tough Strength of Schedule—our computers deemed them worthy of the #1 ranking.”

Questioned about the #4 ranking of the United States the BCS commissioner stated “The US only had two major victories— Japan and Germany . The computer models, unlike humans, aren’t influenced by head-to-head contests—they consider each contest to be only a single, equally-weighted event.”

German Chancellor Adolph Hiter said “Yes, we lost to the US ; but we defeated #2 ranked France in only 6 weeks.” Herr Hitler has been criticized for seeking dramatic victories to earn ‘style points’ to enhance Germany ’s rankings. Hitler protested “Our contest with Poland was in doubt until the final day and the conditions in Norway were incredibly challenging and demanded the application of additional forces.”

The French ranking has also come under scrutiny. The BCS commented ” France had a single loss against Germany and following a preseason #1 ranking they only fell to #2.”

Japan was ranked #3 with victories including Manchuria, Borneo and the Philippines.

(This has been circulating virally and without attribution.)

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II.

“Germany put together an incredible number of victories beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland and continuing on into conference play with defeats of Poland, France, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and the Netherlands. Their only losses came against the US and Russia; however considering their entire body of work—including an incredibly tough Strength of Schedule—our computers deemed them worthy of the #1 ranking.”

Questioned about the #4 ranking of the United States the BCS commissioner stated “The US only had two major victories— Japan and Germany . The computer models, unlike humans, aren’t influenced by head-to-head contests—they consider each contest to be only a single, equally-weighted event.”

German Chancellor Adolph Hiter said “Yes, we lost to the US ; but we defeated #2 ranked France in only 6 weeks.” Herr Hitler has been criticized for seeking dramatic victories to earn ‘style points’ to enhance Germany ’s rankings. Hitler protested “Our contest with Poland was in doubt until the final day and the conditions in Norway were incredibly challenging and demanded the application of additional forces.”

The French ranking has also come under scrutiny. The BCS commented ” France had a single loss against Germany and following a preseason #1 ranking they only fell to #2.”

Japan was ranked #3 with victories including Manchuria, Borneo and the Philippines.

Bad Dawgs

It was about as bad as it could get in Jacksonville this year. Ugh. I had serious doubts about this year's game, given the twenty or so guys that have suffered injuries for Georgia, but even that shouldn't have led to this sort of blowout. It just got out of hand. Bleah.

Mark Richt has been at UGA for about a decade now. He's great for the university and I hope he stays there until he's Joe Paterno's age. If he stays that long, he'll probably go on a run against Florida or win a national championship some time. But he's never solved two problems and, at this point, I doubt that he ever will.

First, UGA is not a very smart (disciplined?) football team. That's strange to say about a Richt-coached team; he seems like he would want smart guys. But they're not. Throughout Richt's tenure, UGA does dumb things, stuff that teams coached by Saban or Spurrier do not generally do. Dumb penalties. Bad clock management, particularly at the ends of halves and games. Constantly running the play clock down to 1 or 2, which slows the game, costs you momentum, and inevitably burns timeouts. UGA almost always calls a bad time out or 2 in a game. Bonehead special teams plays. One or two trick plays a game that don't work and hurt you on field position. Coming out of timeouts and not knowing the formation or having the right players on the field. Under Richt, they just do this stuff and they've done it since the day he arrived. It's not going to get better.

Second, they're lousy in the red zone--the area between the other team's twenty and the end zone. When UGA gets close, they freeze or, yes, get dumb. And it's been true since he arrived (which is why UGA is only really good when they have an excellent kicker; hurt the kicker, kill the Dawgs). There was a two or so year period, ending now, when they handed the ball to the fullback and he scored. But that's been it. Before and after that, they run complicated plays that ask people to do stuff they can't do or aren't used to doing (they threw a fade to Moreno yesterday). They take too long to call plays down there and the plays take too long to develop. They're geniuses at taking sacks (which is why the kicker is SO important; the Dawgs seldom offer chip shots to their kicker). If you want to know how good the Dawgs will be in a given year, check the kicker. If he's experienced and good, they'll be good. If not, they'll be mediocre. And they've done this stuff since the day Richt arrived. It's not going to get better.

So, with a coach, you take the good with the bad. Sweet Lou inevitably decides not to trust a player or two every year (Scott Eyre) and once you're in the doghouse, you never get out. That's why the Cubs need to negotiate a release of some sort for Fukudome. Lou doesn't like him. As long as Lou is there, Fukudome is not going to play a ton. And he's too expensive to sit around. 

Mark Richt just isn't good at this stuff. I don't know why. Some intelligence--no penalty on the Prince Miller interception, no onside kick--and some red zone competence--touchdowns instead of missed field goals in the first half--and they're even in that game yesterday, although they probably don't have enough healthy talent left to win. But this is what you get with all of the great things Richt does. Outbursts of stupidity. Bad red zone offense. 

I Left My Heart...

This is more like it: a 9-2 win over the Giants, 8 shutout innings for Ted Lilly, and a sparkling game for Mark DeRosa. One small note for Lou: Matt Murton is a good baseball player. Unlike Eric Patterson or even DeRosa, he is a left fielder (albeit a bit slow) and he can handle the fundamentals of the position. He's also a professional hitter; he gave us a 2-4 night and both hits were doubles. Yet he only gets to play when injuries or problems leave him the last man walking. C'mon, Lou. He's a ballplayer. Give him some starts.

The Lost Weekend

Like Ray Milland, the Cubs staggered out of Chicago on the wrong end of a four day losing binge. In each of the last two losses, at any rate, they had good chances to win the game, but they couldn't convert. Tampa Bay--Tampa Bay--has now passed them for the best record in baseball. The Cardinals and the Brewers are breathing down their necks in the Central Division. In other words, all is about normal.

I say that because very few teams roll through a season with no problems; I remember the 1984 Tigers dominated from beginning to end and a few of those Yankee teams came close. But it's rare. The Cubs have hit a bad spot. Injuries caught up with them, the enormous hype surrounding the White Sox games got to be a bit too much, and a few guys (Fontenot, Cedeno) are sliding back to what is likely to be their norms after a very good run.

I still like this club. Until the last four games, they've hung in there pretty well, the rotation and the bench appear to be deep, and the pitchers are still throwing strikes while the hitters are working counts. Neither the Cardinal rotation nor the Brewer bullpen puts fear into my heart. Maybe I'm wrong; sure wouldn't be the first time. But I think the Cubs just need to get away from the hype, get some guys back, take a deep breath, and start playing good ball again. A trip to San Francisco, owners of the worst home record in the majors, may be just what the doctor ordered.

Damn Good Dawg

News hit over the weekend that UGA VI has passed to the great Boneyard in the sky. If you haven't spent time in Athens, it's hard to imagine just how much fans care about those dogs. I lived through two there--UGA V was the more famous, appearing on the cover of Sports Illustrated and in the film Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil (he was better than Cusack). UGA VI was the winningest dawg in history, which probably has a lot more to do with Mark Richt than with him, but nonetheless he was a great dawg.

From my new perch, it's worth noting that these dogs create nothing but good feelings on the campus and in the state; when you've got to announce that it's a private memorial service for a dog, that says a lot. Perhaps my current institution might find some symbolism that makes people happy, warm, and united. Just a thought.

Woof, Woof, Woof

UNBELIEVABLE!

Oh Happy and Weird Day

CA and I can't believe it. After a truly dreadful year of college basketball for our once and future institutions, Georgia and Illinois both scrambled into the finals of their conference tournaments. Georgia managed to overcome a tornado, a new venue, two games in a single day, and a year of bad basketball to stagger into today's SEC final. Illinois didn't make quite that dramatic of a journey, but they reached the finals of the Big Ten tournament. Given all of the chaos in Atlanta, the two games are scheduled at the same time today. This will require a professional hand on the remote and I am, even now, preparing for this monumental responsibility.

Strange day of basketball viewing yesterday. We got back to Athens on Friday, slept right through the disastrous storm that hit Atlanta that night (not much here in Athens, about 60 miles outside of Atlanta), and then scrambled to watch the Illinois game on Saturday amidst constant weather warnings, break-ins to the telecast, and a bit of taking cover. Animals, we discovered, do not like to take cover--except for Wren, the little terrier/chihuahua mix. Taking cover is yet another way to curl up and get attention, so it was ok with him. Madison, as is her wont, was very worried. Cats truly do not like taking cover; that impinges on their freedom. Cats are libertarians. When we started to hear birds singing, I ventured out and looked around--as the radio screamed warnings, a perfect blue sky and no clouds at all greeted me. It was that way the rest of the day and it's a perfect, warm spring day now in Georgia. CA's gone running in shorts. It's amazing.

So, it's Selection Sunday, which CA regards as a national holiday. Georgia and Illinois are in the finals. Mother Nature is not threatening to huff and puff and blow my house down. All in all, things could be worse.

Start Your Engines

It's a new NASCAR season beginning today. Will Junior finally win a Series Championship? Will Tony Stewart finally win a Daytona 500? Will The Jordan Rules leave his apartment for the next six months?

I'm rooting for Tony. He's fat and he slugs people for telling him so. What more can you want in a NASCAR driver?

Indiana (University?)

A number of years ago, Indiana University fired Bob Knight because his outrageous behavior stained their pure reputation. Knight never got into trouble with the NCAA.The succeeding coach didn't either, but he lost too much. So, in 2006, they hired successful coach and serial cheater Kelvin Sampson.

He cheated at Oklahoma. He cheated when he arrived at Indiana. Now, it appears, he has continued to cheat after two investigations condemned him, and he has lied about it to the University and the NCAA. Naturally, Indiana will finally fire him, right? And ban themselves from postseason play? Just as Georgia fired Jim Harrick, after unwisely hiring that serial cheater, and banned themselves, despite having a pretty good team at that point.

Um, no. The Indiana athletics director says he's holding onto Sampson "for the foreseeable future" and won't talk about it "today, tomorrow or through the course of the season." Of course, I'm sure this has nothing to do with the fact that Indiana is 20-4. Highly ranked. Nahhh. And the fact that its two best players are likely to leave for the NBA after this year. D.J. White is a senior and Eric Gordon is one of those enormously talented one and gone freshmen.

So, Indiana couldn't possibly be thinking, "Hey, stonewall through the season, get to the Final Four with our cheater, make a bunch of money, say goodbye to said cheater and best players after the season(while trumpeting our virtue), and take the inevitable hit when we're going to be bad anyway?" Not pure as the driven snow Indiana, home of basketball fundamentals, Hoosiers, and disdainful of Bob Knight. Not that fine University (?). By the by, when did Roger Clemens take over as IU athletics director?